50 Miles on foot!

So my New Year's resolution this year was to give up candy for an unknown period of time, which was until I hit a physical goal for myself. I had the initial goal of getting up to 215 pounds, but with the work I do it proved to be next to impossible. So, I decided to change it to going 50 miles on foot in a day. That brings me to this Wednesday at 9:30 am. I set off from Gabriels, Ny. headed for Potsdam, Ny which is exactly 50 miles away. I was pretty pumped up going into it and was yelling and playing loud music right before I left. My buddy Bodie dropped me off and took a pre-run picture of me look excited. I jogged about 18 of the first 25 miles of the deal, which took me to the Hill Stop Station where I would eat and ice my legs down for the next 25 miles of the deal. Something about going 25 miles and knowing you still have that many to go is a bit on the alarming side of thoughts. Nevertheless, I got going again after my 30 minute ice down and started moving up the road. At this point, I wasn't jogging a whole lot due to the fact that my left hamstring was starting to cramp up pretty badly. 30 miles past and so on. A lady I work with passed me driving in the opposite direction, but told her self it couldn't be me because why would I be hoofing it to Potsdam on foot. Mostly because I'm an idiot is the reason she would come to find out. Around 33 miles in an old man stopped and offered me a ride to Hopkinton, which is about 10 miles up the road. "You look awfully tired son." Is what he told me. I thanked him for the offer, but told him I was off on an adventure and need to get to Potsdam by myself. At mile 35 the pain in my left ankle was becoming SEVERE and I made it to the junction of 458 highway and 11B which headed into Potsdam. It was now 8:30PM and the light was fading quickly. I went into the gas station on the corner and picked up a Red Bull and Gatorade in hopes of hydration and much needed energy. I asked the clerk if I could borrow the phone as my cell phone didn't have reception there and made a call to my friend Heather who was going to let me crash at her place for the night. I told her I had made it to the 35 mile mark and that it would probably take me until 2 AM to get there and that I would be in horribly bad shape and might need carried, etc. I headed off down the road again into the setting sun and soon it would be completely dark out by the time I hit mile 38 on the trip. My hip ligaments felt like they were ripping off. My ankle was causing moans, groans and grimaces. I had a blister on my left foot about the size of a half dollar and I still had 12 miles to go. I would watch with horror as car's would pass me on the long straight aways with there brake lights trailing up the road forever and then finally disappear completely in the distance. All I could think was "Jesus! I have to make it to there!" And then when I got there another one would pass and I would have all the same thoughts again. 10:30PM. It had been two hours since I left the gas station and I kept telling myself "Two and a half hours and your pain will all be over and this will be a memory." I threw one foot in front of the other. The temperature outside had fallen considerably since sunset and was around 40 degrees and I was in shorts and a super thin shirt and getting damn cold fast. 11PM. My body was coming apart with each minute and mile that I continued. My ankle was hurt so bad that I would walk for ten steps and stop because of the pain and then tell myself "2 hours you can do this". 11:30PM. I began getting scared. The pain was overwhelming me. I was on the verge of tears with each agonizing step. A car would pass and I would have to fight an internal battle to not put my thumb out to hitch a ride and end the pain. Each time one would pass I would watch it as it disappeared ahead on the road and leave me alone in the dark to fight the pain. Every time I would pass a barn or an old beat up car in a field I would think to myself "You should have brought a sleeping bag so that you could just lay down for a while." Around midnight I couldn't justify the pain anymore. I had pushed myself close to the limit of my body. I had gone 45 miles without training at all. Not bad I told myself. I had wanted the 50 though. A car passed. I put out my thumb and said out loud "Dear God, please stop." It passed out of sight and up the road. Not to many cars on this isolated stretch of road and the idea of that none of them might pull over and I would be walking, crawling or laying in a ditch became a definite possibility. Another car passed and another. I continued shuffling along and grimacing. And then I put my thumb out and then car slowed down and stop about 75 feet ahead of me. I moved slowly to get to it. I don't know what would have happened if I would have had to walk those last five miles. I'm sure I would have made it, but it would have been horrible. The guy that pulled over asked me what I was doing and I told him. When I got out of his car I couldn't lift my leg by themselves, but rather I had to lift them with my arm and set them down outside the car and pull myself up. I shuffled the 25 feet or so to the apartment door and made my way up the five stairs to my friends apartment. When I got in her and another friend Dan that I work with were there and helped me. I sat on her couch and shook uncontrolably for more than 20 minutes. I could move enough to take my own shoes off and took some ibuprofen in hopes of a better tomorrow. I had made it 45 miles on foot. Not 50, but not bad. I decided to throw in the other 5 and begin eating candy again. So when someone asks you "Do you like chocolate?" You might say yes, but have run/walked/hobbled 45 miles for it? I will say yes I love chocolate and have a story to prove it.

With the ladies.

Going to be in a girls group this week at work for essentially the first time. I've had alot of success with boys, but I'm unsure of how my gung ho approach will work with the ladies and if not what will I have up my sleeve to help change these girls lives for the better. "It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men." Frederick Douglass. I wonder what these kids will look like in ten years from now? Hopefully a little like some girls that I have known.

So how can this be?

Yes, absolutely. Mountain men do not have blogs. So what does that mean for my self professed claim of being a mountain man? Not sure really, but maybe you could tell me. Maybe I could use this as an advice giving platform for those of you who aren't yet equipped with the know how of the mountains and that would allow me to keep my mountain man status. So here is the first tip. Do not go into a mountain setting freshly showered. This will only piss off us true non-showering mountain men and women and we probably be forced to use you as fancy smelling bate in a bear trap. Secondly, as I only have one person following this blog if that at this point that said person will have to leave "his or HERS" hundreds of pairs of shoes at home and not bring them into said "mountains". Why are chia pets so awesome? Imagine if someone had given Hitler a chia pet before the start of WWII. The whole thing may have been averted. I mean who can be pissed off at anything after receiving a gift of a chia pet? Nobody, not even Hitler. And while we're on the subject what happens at absolute zero? Do electrons still move or are they completely still? And if they do move around do they know that I'm good looking? And what is the deal with Hula Hoops anyways? Its a circle that you whip around your body. Is that cool? Think about....hell no it's not cool! And the people doing it always look like dip shits doing it. Tell them next time you see them doing it. And what is poker doing on ESPN? If it was like something out of Deer Hunter I could somewhat understand the fascination. And while we're talking about poker(by we I mean me) I know where the lost city of Atlantis is. That's right, I do. Not you. Which makes me like 1,000 times cooler than you. Where's it at you ask? I'll tell you if....you promise to sleep with me and then forget what I told you. It's really a win-win situation. I get to sleep with you and you forget the valueable info. See win-win. How about Captain Kirk always getting those blue babes from a different planet. Incredible! I want blue skinned babes. What do you like more Twinkies or HoHo's? I prefer HoHo's myself. What happens when a man or woman jumps out of a plane with no parachute on a poops? What will hit the ground first? The person or the poop. Most people would say the person right. Not so fast. Sometimes as we all know poops can coming shooting out of an arse with suprising velocity. That is all the extra boost the poop needs to fall faster. Poop wins everytime. Glad I could teach something. What is the hokey pokey really all about? I think there's something more to it than shaking it all about. If you know something please tell me. Scientists say penguins are birds. Penguins can't fly and birds can. So penguins are not birds. Case closed. Penguins are actually giraffes that swim and look weird. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. I watched it not to long ago...not that Excellent sorry. Who doesn't like fried chicken? Communists thats who. If a friend/associate/relative/stranger says they don't eat fried chicken please do the following. 1. Loudly accuse them of being communist. 2. Tell them this is America and we hate Communist swine. 3. Try to have them deported to Siberia where they will feel more at home amongst there Commie friends/associates/relatives/strangers. 4. Eat more fried chicken to show them how un-Communist you are. 5. Call Chuck Norris and report it to him. He keeps tabs on the Communist census. What came first the chicken or the egg? The question that's been haunting mankind for eons. Well, it was the chicken. Question answered move on. Do you like Scrabble? I don't. Unless, I'm playing with dyslexic people then I cheat like a wild man and tell them "How should you know if that's not a word! Your f-ing dyslexic dumbass!" And then spell something ridiculous with 4 z's to score maximum points. Does that make me an a-hole? No, it makes me the Scrabble champion that night and they will get over it eventually. Hopefully. Greatest musician of all time? Tough question. Elvis Presley or Bob Dylan. Maybe. Well, actually I was thinking MC Hammer. Those parachute pants were revolutionary, as well as the dancing. If you disagree I'd love to here about it so I can find out how wrong you are compared to me. And lastly, but not leastly. Puppies that cartwheel down mountainsides! It's incredible! A rare natural phenomenon. For the few of us that have seen it happen it's probably the most important moment of our lives. I mean think about it? A puppy, 3 or 4 weeks old cartwheeling 4,000 feet down a rocky mountainside. I mean where talking 10 to 12,000 cartwheels to make it to the bottom! No one knows why puppies do it, but I have a suspicion. Chicks. That's right, chicks. These puppies are true players and know that other puppy chicks would find it irresistable. Think about. Why do guys do shit like that? Chicks. Case closed on puppy cartwheels on mountainsides.

What Now?

That's the question. I'm not really sure what a blog is, or what it is supposed to contain so here it goes. First off, I could be the sexiest man named Jed that you know. And in fact I'm sure off it. How can I be so sure you ask...well for God's sake look at the picture I posted. Case closed. Secondly, I was born in the year of the horse as my horoscope denotes and horse's are supposed to be great in bed. Is that true in my case? Roll the dice and find out. I'm willing to bet a piece of pie on it and I covet pie. Thirdly, go to the Manliest Montage Ever on You Tube and get a look at Hot Stuff.